Chapter 17

"I just want to ask you one thing before I tell you." I put my head down. I was nervous about revealing my past.

"Anything."

"Even if what I say does changes how you feel about me, will you go easy on me tonight?" He shook his head and sighed

"Kate I'm not going to think of you differently."

"Maybe you won't maybe you will, just promise me." He kissed my forehead

"I promise."

"Alright." I let out a deep breath. "Here goes. I was about 14 years old when I went over Brian's for his birthday. All his friends where there, I was the only girl. His big brother was also there and he was 17 or 18 at the time." I started to cry and asked Nick to get me some tissues

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me."

"No, I want to." I wiped my eyes "Well apparently his brother liked me but I didn't. He took me into his room that night and said that he just got a new hamster and he wanted to show me. Well while we were in there everyone else was downstairs and he asked me if I liked him, I said no he got angry and he, well um, he raped me." I couldn't hold back my tears. Nick wiped them away.

"Kate you think this is going to change how I feel about you?!" I was still looking down.

"That's just the beginning." I grabbed some more tissues "Well I know when your young you don't really know the pattern of your period, but I completely missed mine."

"Kate."

"Yup, he got me pregnant, 14 years old and I was fucking pregnant."

"I'm so sorry I had no idea, I would have never asked you to tell me." He hugged me and wouldn't let go.


"But wait, there is more." I said it to be a joke but to me it really wasn't "Well everyone wanted to know who it was, but I wouldn't say. The only person I told was Brian, well he told his parents, my parents pressed charges and he spent a year in jail and got out. there family fell apart and it was my fault."

"It's not your fault." He ran his finger through my hair.

"Yeah it is because I did not get an abortion." His face changed, he looked very shocked.

"What did you do?"

"I decided to go through with the pregnancy, it was very hard. My parents home schooled me until they were born."

"They?"

"I had twins...... but I didn't keep them."

"you gave them up for adoption?" He was holding my hands very tightly

"Sort of. My oldest brother Brandon, him and his wife couldn't get pregnant so they adopted Julie and Allison. I am their aunt, at least that is what they believe. I see them all the time and I have to be their Aunt, not their mother and it kills me sometimes."

"Kate you are a strong person and if you think this will change anything your crazy." I began to cry harder

"Like I said Nick, this is just the beginning."

"You don't have to tell me anything else if you don't want to. I don't want you to be this upset."

"It's okay I will be fine, I mean I lived this, I should be able to talk about it." I made sure to wipe my cheeks because my make-up was running. "Well after the pregnancy, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. Brian introduced me to weed, I smoked every day. It wasn't enough." I took a deep breath. I looked at Nick. He did not take his eyes away from me.

"Well, after smoking wasn't enough I started to use harder drugs, name anything and I probably did it. My parents found out, I was in and out of hospitals and rehab. I was home schooled from my freshman year to my junior year. All that Brian ever did for me was encourage it. He bought stuff for me all the time. I was a horrible person, I would break into peoples home and steal their prescriptions most of the time Brian was there pushing me up into the window. I was just a horrible person. I have been clean for a year now but it still haunts me." This time I didn't look at him, I did not want to see his expression.

"Kate, all I can say is thank you for letting me in. Don't be afraid of me for the love of god please let me help you. Don't shut me out. I'm not here to judge you I'm here to love you and take care of you." I couldn't even say anything to him I felt so ashamed I leaned into his shoulder and just cried he whispered in my ear.

"I am so sorry, I love you. you make me so happy."

"I love you."

He laid me down and hoovered over me rubbing my back for about an hour until I fell asleep.